Schneelocke's journal

Oww

2009-12-29T15:36:40Z

Oww. My shoulder is still hurting quite a bit; it's not as bad as it was, but still. On the other hand, I admittedly haven't taken any painkillers yet today; I'm not sure to which extent I strictly need them anymore, and I obviously can't find out when I'm still taking them.

Physical therapy also contributed to an extent, of course, but that should just be a temporary thing.

Other than that, the physical therapist said that I'd be able to start taking ff the Gilchrist next week; just for an hour or so at a time, and I'll still have to wear it when going out and at night (for safety reasons), but still.

On the other hand, she also thinks hot baths are bad ight now, as they'll cause the blood vessels to widen and make swellings more likely. I wonder if I could get away with just keeping my shoulder out of the water (which, in practice, happens anyway; my tub isn't really big enough for me).

The short version

2009-12-28T00:06:28Z

My shoulder's still hurting, but it's gotten slightly better, at least, and I can also breathe without problems again for the most part.

Christmas with the family was stressful for the most part, mostly thanks to my sister and (to a lesser extent) my mother — my sister worked quite hard at creating an "us women vs. everyone else" atmosphere, and my mother went along willingly, too. They took it out on my father more than me, but still... pretty low. And of course, it made everything rather stressful.

At least the restaurant we went to on the 25th (the Schloß) was very nice. I could see it becoming a favourite of mine, but I couldn't afford it if I had to pay myself, of course.

We also had a BG meeting tonight — quite productive really. And the new Main seems very nice so far, too, although I haven't really explored yet.

One-handed typing still sucks, though. I hate being unable to properly express myself — particularly in relatively fast-paced media such as chats, although the extra time it takes to write LJ posts etc. is also rather annoying.

Health update

2009-12-25T23:37:42Z

My healing process is going OK, I suppose, although it doesn't really feel like it. The pain in my shoulder got progressively worse, until it became almost unbearable yesterday, with me hardly being able to move (or even sit, depending on the chair); given that and the trouble I've had breathing, I went back to the clinic today to get myself checked again.

A couple of X-rays etc. later (including some of my lung), though, it turns out that everything is fine, though, and the doctor (the same one who also treated me initially, carried out the surgery etc.) said that the pain was most likely from the bone actually starting to fuse again. Well, I hope it will go away again soon. x.x

Anyhow, I'm glad this is taken care of; the pain I can deal with (with the help of painkillers etc.), but worrying about what might have gone wrong... that's much worse (especially since fear is such a major theme in my life).

As for the rest — my tailhole's feeling a bit better again already, less irritated, but the cold seems to be getting worse, even if it's not all that bad yet overall. Kinda unfortunate, but what can you do...

Still, I really resent having to go through all this (and needless to say, I'm still stuck with one-handed typing). It's so stupid that all this happened just because of one guy's stupidity and lack of care...

(BTW, the nurses at the X-ray department also commented on the length of my collarbones, saying they were the longest they'd seen in their ten years there. c.c I guess I'll take that as a (rather unusual) compliment... and I can always claim that mine's so big it won't fit onto a 24x30 cm film plate now.)

Good and bad

2009-12-23T11:32:06Z

Good: breathing is easier again today, so it probably was the tramadol indeed. Also, the night was manageable; I woke up several times, as usual, but took some more painkillers (just ibuprofen) before my tailhole could start bugging me again.

Bad: I apparently caught a cold. This was already noticable a day or two ago, but it's becoming undeniable now. Oh well, I still have some MediNait, at least, and I don't intend to go outside or anything, either.

(Speaking of which, temperatures rose above zero again, too, so the snow is melting again. *sigh*)

State of the wolf

2009-12-22T20:50:56Z

Sorry for being terse again.

I saw the proctologist today (a different one, but they share the same surgery); he said that yes, the fissure hadn't healed properly (duh), diagnosed the hard lump that always comes with it as a thrombosis, and flat out refused to consider surgery (for now), saying that a) it'd only make things worse as the scarry tissue would not be as stretchy as the "regular" variety snd b) as long as my stool wouldn't become and stay soft, it'd happen no again no matter what, anyway.

That's definitely different from what the other doctor told me.

Anyhow, for now, he said to take hip baths until the swelling subsided, then start using the dilator again, and also eat enough fibre andd drink enough to guarantee soft stool. If that can't be done, he said, I'd have to take laxatives permanently, kthxbye.

Oh well. At least he explained that caffeinated drinks are not suitable because they're excreted renally; it's true I have been drinking (diet) coke instead of water again, too, so it looks like I'll have to switch back (or consider fruit juices). Well, at least it'll be cheaper, and it also explains the whole myth about how coffee etc. doesn't count towards your fluid intake: it does, but doesn't help with your digestion.

Well.

Outside of this, my shoulder is still hurting quite badly; what's worse, I'm often finding it difficult to really breathe in, and when I try to yawn (I constantly have to), then a) it doesn't work, usually, and b) my shoulder hurts a lot. It gets somewhat better when I'm outside with lots of fresh air, but even then, the problem persists.

I wonder if this is why I'm so tired all the time.

I also wish I knew why it's happening. Is it the plate on the bone that's somehow interfering with breathing? Sore or damaged muscles? Medication (I've started taking sustained release tramadol as painkillers for the night so I'm actually able to sleep, but I'm not taking them for the day, instead going for ibuprofen, and the occasional novalgin (as necessary))? Maybe kalogrenant could tell me more there.

Speaking of sleeping, the nights still suck, but at least they don't suck quite that hard anymore now. Still, I think I'm gonna forego the tramadol tonight.

Solstice

2009-12-22T11:07:32Z

Oh yeah, blessed solstice. I wanted to make a post yesterday, but I was too shot, drained, tired and exhausted in the end.

Tailhole

2009-12-21T22:21:27Z

As if everything else isn't bad enough already, I also ripped my tailhole yet again on Saturday night. x.x The night to Sunday was pretty yucky as a result, pain-wise; last night, I took some delayed-release painkiller when I went to bed, which did help, even though the night still wasn't painless.

Of course, this just had to happen right before the holidays, too; I did manage to get an appointment of sorts with the proctologist for tomorrow, but they just handed out the last real one 30 minutes before I called, so I was told to come in at 2pm and bring lots of time. x.x Oh well, as long as this will be handled one way or another soon; and this time, I definitely want it to be taken care of srgically, once and for all.

Outside of that, meh — I hate not being able to do anything really. Everything's just piling up, from housework to... well, everything. x.x

Well

2009-12-19T23:16:34Z

Well, everything certainly went much better than expected.

First of all (and I'm sorry that this will be a terser entry again — blame one-handed typing and the fact I need to give my arm some rest), I did sleep better last night. I found that taking two novalgin tablets right before going to bed still didn't help, but I did notice that the pain was caused by my shoulders falling "up" when I'm lying down flat; putting another plushie on my pillow to make sure it falls "down" when I relax instead helped, and putting a well-squished Folkmanis fox (think Lori from the EF Pawpet Shows) under my arm to support it also worked very well (I tried bigger plushies there before, but they turned out TOO big).

I still woke up all the time, of course, but it all could have been worse. And some valerian also helped me relax a little at least.

My parents also turned out to be rather pleasant to deal with today, meek, understanding and harmonious; maybe my father reflected on how he did come across yesterday and how he and my mother have been attempting to run the show recently in my stead. In any case, it was obvious they were trying to be nice, and that was... well, nice.

Skinfaxa is in good hands now, too; she was taken to the "sick bay", and I think the guy I talked to at the store may even have referred to her as "she" even though I didn't myself in front of my parents. I'm glad she's cared for at her home stable.

We also checked out the christmas market in Hamburg afterwards, but it really was far too cold for my taste. Well, I actually like cold weather, of course, but I don't like being cold, and despite adding an extra layer of clothng today, I was still underdressed and freezing most of the time. x.x I really lost my tolerance for cold when I lost weight, it seems. (FWIW, the actual temperature was about -7 to -8°C; not sure about wind chill, though.)

All in all, I'm pretty tired, too; tomorrow, I'll do nothing but rest. I rather need it.

Urf urf

2009-12-18T21:52:39Z

I took a couple of photos of Skinfaxa's damage; seems that both the down tube and the main tube are bent/squished. Yowch. The picture's are on Flickr if you're my friend there; if not, I can give you a Guest Pass.

I'm rather annoyed by my parents, too, for two reasons.

First of all, it's because they, quite literally without even asking me, decided that a) we'd go to the bike store tomorrow and b) they'd accompany me (because, you see, I am unable to sit in a train alone for an hour because of my shoulder) — decisions made after I successfully resisted the decision they also made that we'd go to the local racing bike store in town here instead, BTW.

But there's also the fact that when they called me again now to let me know at which time we'd be leaving (again, *telling* me that they decided, not asking me or anything!), I mentioned to my father that his friend had brought my bike over to me after all at my request, and my father reacted in a way that I know means he's upset about some act of perceived insubordination but unable to really justify saying so openly; and when I asked him if there was a problem with this, he outright lied and said that no, there wasn't. (Of course, I know him too well to not catch that lie. He did have a problem with things not going according to his plans and wishes, but couldn't justify saying so openly.)

I'm not sure what to do now, though. It's too late by now to call my parents and talk to them about it, and I know it wouldn't work out, anyway (they'd just refuse to, whether they'd realize or not); I definitely do not want to have them tag along tomorrow, at least not as long as they think they're in charge of me or anything like that, but I'm not sure how to go about getting that across to them. (Just telling them to stay home tomorrow likely wouldn't work, either: my mother would repeat the same sob story about how it'd be too dangerous, and they also already made plans to visit the christmas market in Hamburg, so they'll use that as an excuse why they'll have to go, anyway.)

There's also the fact that despite everything, they have been helping me and I don't want to seem too ungrateful. Under normal circumstances, I'd say it's something that one can talk about like mature adults, but I'm not sure my parents really *are* mature enough for that — mature enough to see and treat *me* as a mature adult as well, that is.

Oh well.

I suppose the best thing to do might be to wander off to the far end of the platform with my father and have a private talk with him there; either that, or simply ignore the whole issue and not let them succeed in their efforts to control me. Neither of this would be easy, though.

And there's also the fact that I made a mistake when I asked my father if he wanted to phone his friend concerning him (his friend) picking up Skinfaxa and me tomorrow or whether I should do that; this of course allowed him to get in an ace by saying that I had called him earlier, so of course it was my responsibility to handle this now, too. Definitely true, and I should've realized instead of asking him to handle a difficult social situation for me and thereby validating his assumption that he's right in trying to take control from me and disempower me.

All in all, I'll definitely manage, somehow, but I wish I had a better idea how, and I also wish I could have a stress-free evening now instead of this — that, and a relaxing night which chances are I also won't have. >.<

(And easy cop-out, BTW, would've been to arrange to meet up with kalogrenant at the same time, but he's busy. What's worse, I've also got the distinct feeling I've been going on his nerves lately, too; usually, it's him who calls me when he's got time to talk, but these days, it's always been me who called when I needed something, and I've got to admit I feel bad about taking advantage of him like that, too.)

Urf

2009-12-18T13:39:43Z

Urf... what a horrible night. It was slightly better than the one before (in hospital), I think, but just barely.

The biggest problem really is that I can't sleep on *either* side; but staying on my back all the time (an unnatural position for me to sleep in to begin with!) also doesn't work well, and this is only compounded by the fact that lying on my back isn't actually painfree — just less painful than the alternatives. What this meant now was that I constantly woke up in pain, couldn't fall back asleep, and ultimately felt so miserable in the morning I crawled out of bed an hour before the alarm would've gone off (which I otherwise would've very much needed).

I'm still feeling quite sore during the day now, too; all in all, I definitely felt a lot better before the surgery, pain-wise, although I of course know it was necessary.

I also went and saw my family doctor this morning, but he's still on vacation, so his replacement was in again. However, I swear this was the last time I'll ever deal with that idiot, even if he was the last doctor on the planet. >.<

I already knew I didn't like him THAT much from last time, but I had a list of issues to talk about, so I figured it'd not be a problem. However, hardly anything worked out; most things were ultimately minor, but one wasn't.

The first thing was when, while changing the bandage on my surgery wounds, he commented how it was nice to have someone else take care of you that way, wasn't it. OK, no problem, I thought; he's just trying to make smalltalk, but it did get a bit weird when he remarked that everything had its upsides. Um, yeah — a doctor changing my bandages after an accident and the ensuing surgery isn't an upside to that accident, but OK, whatever.

Next, I mentioned that it'd taken me a long time to wake up from anesthesia on Monday, and asked if this might indicate some kidney or liver problems (something kalogrenant had mentioned last night); I kinda expected him to take a blood sample, just to make sure, but he didn't, and in fact wasn't interested in the whole thing at all, quite literally (although I think he did add a note to my file, at least).

I also mentioned that one of my ribs had apparently suffered some damage, something I only noticed yesterday, but when I asked him about this, he wasn't interested again, stating that it was "probably just a bruise" without even so much as looking at it or checking the spot I indicated. *headshakes*

Of course, the killer was when I asked about something to help me sleep better at night; for some reason, that sent him into a long-winded, rambling crude diatribe about his quirky, obscure ideas of.. well, I don't know what, actually, to be honest; I really wasn't able to even understand what the hell he was talking about. He did talk about the surgery being stressful and meaning that the body would need rest (well, duh, that's what I'm asking about); when I didn't understand what this had to do with anything, he switched topics and asked if I had worn a bike helmet, and when I said yes, he commented that this was evidence of fear (specifically, fear of death, it appears, as without it, I could've died — nevermind that I could have done so with it, too, and that the way THIS accident went, I wouldn't have died without the helmet), but that this wasn't a bad thing.

I think he was quite literally amazed that I still didn't understand what this had to do with anything, and I said so, too; we somehow got to the topic of mental health, and he asked what my diagnoses were there, and when I mentioned social phobia, he immediately seized on that, expounding on how the fact I had worn a helmet was a sign of that, too (since most adults don't wear bike helmets; not factually incorrect per se, of course, but a rather crazy connection to attempt to draw).

I still wasn't satisfied, of course, and I stated more than once that I wouldn't discuss matters of my mental wellbeing with him, anyway, but rather with my therapist; he also tried to claim that sleeping aids were bad because in order to heal, I'd have to be able to find comfortable positions instead of being knocked out, but I countered that by repeating yet again that the problem was that there were no comfortable positions to begin with. (On a side note, one might also add that the hospital didn't have any problems with giving me a sleeping pill on one occasion, and I did not even ask for that then.)

But he really kept on yaking on and on and on, and neither my insistence I wouldn't talk to him about my mental health nor the fact that one of the helpers showed up to remind him that there was another patient waiting with bleeding wounds that would have to be tended to could stop him.

He did mention that he "saw some things a little differently", BTW. Yeah, I guess you could say that; I wonder what pseudo-religious brainwashing sect he got his degree from.

But seriously, what really got me was not the fact he wouldn't prescribe any sleeping pills, not even the fact he was so obviously "far out" in his views (which, honestly, IS rather unusual for someone with an M.D., or so you'd think), but the chutzpah, the sheer insolence, the cheek, the audacity and the gall of thinking that he, as the replacement of my family doctor, would be able to, qualified to or have any right say anything about my mental health after literally talking to me for only a few minutes and without even asking me about it in any way; and not just that, but also the assumption that he would in fact know more about me than I myself do, and that he could base all this on and deduce all this from something as innocuous as a asking about something to help me fall asleep better in the presence of pain.

Oh, but I didn't mention yet he did have a solution for that, though; yes, he suggested drinking a cup of tea before going to bed.

That's some serious brass right there, and when my family doctor will be back on Monday, I will have a serious talk about this with him.

(One might also add that when he changed the bandages, he said he'd give me some supplies so I could do it myself from now on, too. Of course, in the end, he didn't, so I do have another reason to go back and see my actual family doctor on Monday.)

Finally... we also picked up Skinfaxa from the police afterwards. She's quite visibly damaged, too; in addition to the handlebar and the left brake lever, I immediately noticed a big dent in the frame, in the down tube — chances are the frame won't be salvageable. :/ And there's probably a good chance there's more damage I didn't see right away yet.

We will take her back to the store tomorrow; my parents are apparently afraid of letting me go alone, taking a train to Hamburg with a bike with only one arm being usable and all that, so they'll come along (and also use the opportunity to visit the christmas market down there). Oh well, if it makes them happy.

The only problem right now is that a friend of my parents helped pick Skinfaxa up with his van, and since he'll also help get her to the train station tomorrow, we left her in there now. It does make sense, but it also means I can't assess her for more damage, take pictures, and – most importantly – be around her. Maybe I'm just sentimental, but I've got a pretty bad feeling about that. :/

~~I wonder if I should phone him now and ask him if he could take her over after all. I miss my girl.~~ EDIT: OK, scratch that. I just phoned the guy, and he'll bring her over to me. It may sound strange, but this really matters to me, and even though it was difficult actually making the call, I'm glad and relieved I did.

EDIT 2: OK, and she's here. Goodness, my poor girl — it seems she didn't suffer much aside from what was already mentioned (I only noticed some superficial damage on the other brake lever), but still, it's all bad enough. At least the wheels still both seem to be OK. Ah well, the store will take a closer look, though.

Death

2009-12-17T20:43:52Z

I just learned that darkwolfie passed away a few days ago (while I was in hospital myself), after a long battle against swine flu.

I cannot believe this — I literally can't. I didn't know him as well as I would've liked to or as he would've deserved, but he was a friend; not a close one, but a friend, and the thought that he's just... gone like that is... I can't describe it.

I don't know what to say, I really don't, but I do know this: he will not be forgotten. He was one of us, and we take care of our own. He will be remembered, and he will be in our songs. Wolves have long memories; mine lasts a lifetime.

Goodbye, darkwolfie. Rest in peace. You will not be forgotten.

Back

2009-12-17T10:21:32Z

OK, I'm back.

The surgery and all that went more or less as expected; I didn't deal well with the anesthesia, taking quite a long time to wake up properly again, and mostly just slept until Tuesday in the late afternoon, but things did go uphill from then. I was able to get up a bit in the evening then; yesterday, I was mostly up again and able to walk around normally and all that, and the doctors already said I could probably leave today, and today... well, I could indeed.

Contrary to what I was told earlier, the Gilchrist bandage will still have to stay on for a couple of weeks; I'll dig out my old one, though, and with that one, I imagine everything will be a bit easier again (in particular, I hope I'll be able to go back to two-handed typing then).

Staying at the hospital sucked, too, and I'm glad I could leave now. I need rest and time to heal, and you don't get either there.

As for the rest... everything's just stressful again immediately. The bike store where I ordered my gloves etc. wrote again to let me know that the gloves I ordered now ALSO aren't available anymore; given that it's been more than three weeks, I wrote back now and told them to cancel the entire order, including everything. Chances are I'll think more than twice about ordering from them again.

There's more, but it's not for a public entry.

Well

2009-12-13T20:36:15Z

Well, this is it; in about 40 minutes, I'll take my sedative and go to bed, and tomorrow morning, I'll go to the clinic, although it feels more like having to serve a prison sentence. I'm not anxious about the surgery as such, but I hate the prospect of having to stay there. *sighs*

Of course it will work out in the end; I am wolf, and I'll be strong. But it won't be easy, even if I try to see it as a trial by fire and remind myself that after being tempered and forged in the fire, I will only emerge stronger than before.

Therapy and stuff

2009-12-11T15:30:28Z

Therapy took place, but I can't really write much, for obvious reasons. We mostly talked about the accident, and my FiveFingers, which I wore today.

My therapist wants to see me again faster than usual, too, before christmas; I'll call him when I'm out of hospital.

Outside of that... no news really. I managed to go shopping, at least; stupidly forgot to grab a cart, so I had to balance about 4 kg of stuff in my left hand, without even the index finger. I managed, though. :) And I also asked my parents about a laptop I might be able to borrow, but they don't have one. Ah well; I should probably buy a netbook at some point, as kalogrenant suggested.

I also managed to catch up to and reply to all comments, but it's surprisingly exhausting.

kyroraz also pointed out (declared?) that yesterday was "Talk In Second Person Day". You feel like your life is a Nethack game! (And also, it was DOOMsday yesterday. Check out the annual Cacowards — some great WADs in there, including a few I didn't know about yet.)

Oh yeah, and there's some pics here.

Rescheduling

2009-12-10T15:46:06Z

Well... looks like I'll have to wait for a bit longer after all. x.x The clinic just called me to let me know they got three emergencies that'll have to undergo surgery tomorrow, so I've been "bumped" — and since it's the weekend after tomorrow, this means I'll have to wait until Monday.

Oh well — just my luck. At least the doctor was suitably contrite about the whole thing; also, this means I can go to therapy tomorrow. Well, if my therapist didn't already make other plans after I called in to cancel that... :P

And I figured out hw to tie my ponytail without taking off the Gilchrist, so I'm relatively independent again (except for tying my shoes, which is impossible with one hand. I wonder if I can put on my FiveFingers more easily.)

At least I got a nice bath robe today (well, nice to the extent that any bath robe can be; generally speaking, I'm not a huge fan of them).

Another update

2009-12-09T21:08:48Z

For those curious, I went to the third hospital today; the doctor we talked to there was *really* nice, but the earliest date for surgery there would've been the 15th, which is still quite far into the future.

So we went back to the first clinic (the university's) and got the whole thing scheduled for Friday there now, and also took care of all the preliminaries like blood samples etc. The only thing left to do now is to pack, buy a bathrobe tomorrow, and then show up at 6:45 in the morning with an empty stomach on Friday.

I really need a break from my parents, too. It's good to have them for driving around and all that, but I do remember why I moved out. x.x

I'll reply to comments as soon as I'm back next week... I really hope my right arm will be usable again then. I hate being so helpless — and I wish I had a partner to support me instead of my parents, too, or someone else who'd take me serious. (I could write about quite a few things really, but I'm too slow a typer right now. x.x)

Progress

2009-12-08T20:06:28Z

I went to another clinic today to see what they though/recommended. They don't want to do surgery quickly, pointing to a (small) abrasion on the shoulder as a potential for infection; surgery would on the 18th there, but I think that's too late, both because I can't keep my arm in this sling for this long (I can't even shower this way!) and because (as a laywolf, admittedly), I think a broken bone should be fixed and not left for almost two weeks.

We'll check with another clinic tomorrow and also see my family doctor (or, rather, his replacement — he's not there ATM).

Outside of that, we checked with our lawyer to have the legal side of things handled, but that's all less urgent.

I'll have to talk to kalogrenant again to see what he thinks of the whole surgery thing. (If you read this, call me!) At least I got my X-ray images on CD today, so I should be able to send those to him, too, I hope.

The pain's manageable, generally speaking, but all in all, it all really sucks. I didn't sleep that well last night (and had trouble falling asleep in the first place), either, so I'll definitely be glad once this is over — another reason to undergo surgery soon. It's all extremely draining.

Thanks to everyone who replied, too. *wolf-snuggles* I'll get back to y'all as soon as I can.

Accident

2009-12-07T21:19:57Z

Don't expect much from me until next week or so at least. I had another bike accident (this is getting old...); not my fault, but my clavicle is broken and will have to surgically fixed within the next few days with a metal plate and hook that'll remain for half a year.

I'll probably have to stay in hospital for four to five days afterwards — worse than the surgery as such. For now, I got a Gilchrist bandage again, and my left index finger is also bandaged and unusable (and will probably lose the nail), so typing is difficult.

The surgery is not considered an emergeny procedure, though, so it was not done right on the spot. It's scary to have one end of the bone stand up against the skin on your shoulder (~1 cm?), though; painful, too, but I got some novalgin at least after protesting ibuprofen wouldn't be enough.

Not sure how Skinfaxa's doing — the police took her with them at least, though.

More later. Tomorrow, I'll have to see my family doctor, select a clinic and schedule this surgery. All in all, it's more stress I can't use. -.-

Just as a reminder

2009-12-07T12:03:46Z

Just as a reminder, if I unfriended you, it most likely means that a) I'm not really reading your journal anymore, and b) I have a feeling you're not reading mine anymore, either. If you still are after all, you can let me know, and I'll probably add you back (although not necessarily to my Default View).

Depressions, stress, balance

2009-12-06T22:45:49Z

Every time I try to make my less stressful, I seem to fail; and eventually, I then reach the point where everything explodes in my face again and I get another acute depression. I think I've mostly broken the vicious circle where this adds to the stress so much again that I can't escape from the depressions anymore – it's still stressful, but not QUITE as much –, but still, it can't go on like this.

I know I've said it before, but I really think my life is out of balance (yeah, koyaanisqatsi, if you will). I'm not sure how things can improve unless this changes, and in fact, I'm more and more sure they can't until it does.

How not to have a discussion

2009-12-05T12:59:53Z

I've actually mentioned it before, but I just realized again how common the practice of reverse trolling is on certain "discussion" sites (*coughLWNcough*).

Quite ironic, too, in LWN's case, given that the commenters there are also often prone to pointing to Slashdot comments as a cesspool — in my experience, this isn't true, since while Slashdot has its fair share of idiocy, it usually gets moderated down, and the decent points do get moderated up. (And of course, Slashdot has moderation and meta-moderation systems in the first place, whereas LWN's comments have... well, nothing, other than their posters' toffee-nosedness. At least other sites that thought themselves better than Slashdot, like Kuro5hin, used similar systems to separate the wheat from the chaff.)

Just like the reverse anti-${foobar}ism discussed in the posted linked to above, reverse trolling is an instance of a certain "reverse $pattern" meta-pattern; a trivial observation, perhaps, but quite useful once you consciously realize how this works. (Sometimes, I kinda wonder whether I should make a list of cultural and social patterns and meta-patterns (memes, really, but that term's far too general here), just for my own reference: I'm not always intelligent enough to actually keep in mind all the things I want to keep in mind, so having them jotted down somewhere might help. At the same time, writing them down and spelling them out would force me to streamline them, order them and perhaps refactor them, something that would also be good and helpful.)

As for reverse trolling, BTW, for extra style points, combine it with an underhanded false dichotomy and an insult en passant: "I don't know if you're trolling or if you're just stupid, but I'll give you the benefit of doubt and assume the latter..."

If your goal is to suppress a rational and constructive debate, this is a great way to go about it.

Meh

2009-12-05T00:36:09Z

I've got to say that having someone – someone you don't know, too – add you as a friend, not say a single word, and then unfriend you again on the very same day is a rather strange feeling.

I certainly don't mind people adding me, even people I don't know, but this seems a bit futile — and hurtful. Oh well.

Just because...

2009-12-04T21:22:44Z

View Poll: Hope

10 days later...

2009-12-03T16:00:07Z

Great. The store where I ordered my bike gloves just sent me an email telling me that the gloves cannot be ordered anymore, a full ten days after I placed the order, and told me that they can't be ordered anymore; they're not in stock, apparently, and their supplier also doesn't have them anymore. Of course, the gloves are still listed on their website and can still be ordered there, although I imagine everyone else who tries will just get the same notice, possibly after waiting for a week or two...

Sound familiar? It's exactly the same thing as with the rain overshoes I wanted to get (see the entry linked above for that).

I wrote back to them telling them to send the gloves to me in a smaller size instead, XL instead of XXL (this should still be OK); if these can't be gotten anymore, either, I've found another pair that looks good, but it's more expensive, alas (although it's on sale and currently available for 20 EUR less than what it usually would cost, at least).

Still, I'm decidedly unhappy with this, and will take this into consideration in the future when ordering things (or when deciding whether to order or buy locally in the first place, for that matter). It wouldn't have been so bad if they had told me right away, but almost two weeks where I hear nothing at all, only for this? That's quite some nerve they've got there.

Changes

2009-12-02T22:45:35Z

I've been at the Black Gazza for almost a year now, and it's definitely changed quite a bit. In the past, it used to be a prison and a BDSM, well, place first and foremost (probably in that order, too); nowadays, it seems it's mostly a roleplaying environment with a science-fiction background.

And by "roleplaying", I mean tinyplotish, pen and paper-style roleplaying; a refereeless version, certainly (there's no DM/GM/Storyteller/...), and also one that doesn't concern itself with stats etc. but rather focusses solely on the plot/story, but nevertheless, it's not the carefree, IC-is-OOC, I'm-really-me kind of roleplaying that there was in the past.

Personally, at the risk of sounding like an old coot, I very much miss the old days, too; at the same time, though, I'm not complaining (or thinking that I can turn back the wheel, as it were). I do wish the BG had taken a different direction, but there's no use in crying over spilled milk.

That said, one change that I've been seeing in the recent past is an increase in traffic. In the past, it was easier to still carve out my own niche; nowadays, it seems there's always someone around, everywhere, engaged in their own subplots and -threads and roleplaying, and suspending the disbelief that the place is something it really isn't anymore becomes more difficult.