Schnee (schnee) wrote,

Cards Against Humanity: Schnee's expansion

I'm prone to the occasional burst of random creativity, and I've found that the best (only, really) thing I can do is just go with the flow and let it out.

See, we've been playing Cards Against Humanity with fair regularity in the last two months (online, using a version that I think doesn't actually include all the cards, but that's a different story), and shortly after we started, one morning, I started getting ideas for new cards. So I wrote them down.

After about an hour, I had almost 100. At the end of the day I had more than 250, and over the next couple of days this figure rose to over 300. I've been sitting on the list since (as it were), and now I'm finally getting off of my lazy butt and sharing it.

I should note that several of these may in fact be inspired by cards in the game that were still present in my subconscious mind at the time I wrote these down; I've not tried to identify those and weed them out. Other than that, I think the list's self-explanatory; cards marked with "(B)" are black cards, others are white cards. (And I do apologize for not formatting links; this is how I wrote the list down, and editing it would be too much work.)

Oh, one more note: this hasn't been play-tested in ANY way whatsoever, since the version we use doesn't allow you to add new/custom cards. (Fiddlesticks.)

But now, without further ado, Schnee's CaH expansion (so far):

  1. Troy Powell, checking in
    See .
  2. Rolling in Jell-O™ while yodeling
    See .
  3. The tiny arms of a T-Rex
  4. Masturbating with a vaccuum cleaner
    See .
  5. Sexy female fursuits
  6. (B) How come I can't sleep at night? — this is in the actual game, nevermind. ^^
  7. Fruitvikings
    See .
  8. The CFz art show
  9. Erotic Barbie™ doll outfits
  10. Intensive pig farming
  11. Serial polygamy
  12. Clubbing seals
    "I ♣ Seals"
  13. Rumor has it Peter Jackson's next film will be about ______.
  14. Blair's DEATH™ sauce
  15. (B) Bet you can't tell the difference between ______ and ______. (Pick two)
  16. Surreptitiously distilled moonshine
  17. Antimatter hydrogen
  18. Ol' Blue Eyes
    A.k.a. Frank Sinatra
  19. (B) ______ is better known as ______. (Pick two)
  20. (B) Two ______, one ______. (Pick two)
  21. (B) Who's your daddy?
  22. (B) Breaking news! ______ found in ______! (Pick two)
  23. (B) Sorry Mario, but our princess is ______.
    Actual quote: "Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle."
  24. Guzzling engine oil
  25. Neckbeards
  26. Warwick Davis
    British dwarf actor, lead role in "Leprechaun"
  27. Fucking a dead pig
    Cf. David Cameron's pig-gate
  28. Pinkamena Diane Pie
  29. Wearing sex dolls as suits
  31. (B) Do not pass Go. Do not collect ______.
  32. A boot to the head
    See .
  33. Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney
  34. Advanced mathematics
  35. (B) Help! I'm stuck in ______!
  36. Donald Trump's hairdo
  37. (B) ______, I choose you!
  38. Having your nuts bitten off by Laplander
    From "The Naked Gun"; see
  39. Dutch ovens
  40. Excess earwax buildup
  41. Giant killbots
  42. Hamming it up
  43. (B) It's dangerous to go alone! Take ______!
  44. Blinkenlights
    See .
  45. Hacker culture
  46. The Republican National Convention
  47. The front row of a Kenny Chesney concert
    What's got one hundred feet and two teeth?
  48. The Iowa Butter Cow
    See .
  49. Dixie
    I.e. the southern USA. Could be rendered as "The Deep South".
  50. (B) Hark! It's the call of ______.
  51. (B) Whoso pulleth ______ out of ______, is rightwise ______. (Draw two, pick three)
    Actual quote: "Whoso pulleth out this sword of this stone and anvil, is rightwise King born of all England".
  52. (B) I can't believe it's ______!
    Actual quote: "I can't believe it's not butter!"
  53. Hyena butter
    See .
  54. Skunk oil
    See .
  55. Sexual slavery
  56. (B) I was working in the lab late one night, when my eyes beheld an eerie sight:
    From Bobby Pickett, "The Monster Mash".
  57. Marmite™
  58. Obscure xkcd references
  59. Adult Skyrim mods
  60. White Castle sliders
    See .
  61. A shotglass full of snot
  62. (B) From hell's heart, I stab at ______.
    Actual quote: "To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee." - Herman Melville, "Moby Dick".
  63. Roasting cats on a hot tin roof
    See .
  64. (B) G'day, mate! Grab ______, and I'll throw ______ on ______! (Draw two, pick three)
    "G'day mate! Grab a coldie, and I'll throw another prawn on the barbie!"
  65. (B) There's something I want to share with you!
    MandoPony, "Picture Perfect Pony"; see .
  66. Dried bull pizzles
  67. A rectal prolapse
  68. Pasteurella pestis
    Nowadays known as Yersinia pestis; might use that instead.
  69. Toxic shock syndrome
  70. Premature burial
  71. (B) I said, do you speak-a my language? And he just smiled and gave me ______.
    Men At Work, "Down Under"; actual quote: "...a vegemite sandwich".
  72. (B) Friends! Romans! Countrymen! Lend me your ______.
    Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"; actual quote: "...your ears". See,_Romans,_countrymen,_lend_me_your_ears .
  73. (B) ______ doesn't advertise.
    The Simpsons, "Disco Stu doesn't advertise".
  74. Baron von Chickenpants
    The Simpsons.
  75. (B) Oh! Super ______!
    "Oh! Super Toaster!"
  76. (B) You killed ______! You bastards!
  77. Mother Theresa
  78. Young and hot Margaret Thatcher
  79. (B) If you need me, I'll be over here, ______.
  80. (B) Oh ______, will you be my ______? (Pick two)
  81. Banging seven-gram rocks
    Charlie Sheen.
  82. Ostrich politics
  83. L. Ron Hubbard's fever dreams
  84. Gunboat diplomacy
  85. Stuffing chopsticks up the urethra
  86. (B) Congratulations! You may already have won ______!
    Ed McMahon
  87. A Las Vegas hooker convention
  88. (B) No, Mr Bond. I expect ______.
    " to die".
  89. (B) How did Vladimir Putin secure his reelection?
  90. (B) ______ is dead, long live ______! (Pick two)
  91. Little white pills
  92. LSD blotters
    Alternatively, "LSD puddles".
  93. The Honorable Order of Kentucky Colonels
    See .
  94. Acquittal by an all-white jury
  95. (B) No TRUE ______ would stoop to ______! (Pick two)
  96. Smørrebrød, smørrebrød, røm pøm pøm pøm!
    Swedish Chef (in the German Muppets dub).
  97. (B) Why did the Grinch steal christmas?
  98. Blood diamonds
  99. (B) Can't catch me, I'm ______!
    "...the Muffin Man".
  100. Dropping the bass
  101. (B) I'm all about ______.
  102. Baron Samedi
    See .
  103. Rolfing®
    See .
  104. Turkish oil wrestling
    See .
  105. Don't Ask, Don't Tell
  106. (B) This is the age of ______.
  107. (B) My gaydar is tingling, it must be ______!
  108. Schlitz malt liquor
  109. Oversized angora sweaters
  110. (B) What scratches my itch?
  111. Hitler's brain in a jar
    Irregular Webcomic!.
  112. Reverse racism
  113. Cow tipping
  114. (B) To ______, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!
    "...alcohol"; see .
  115. Ear candling
    Or maybe "ear candles".
  116. (B) Starbuck's now charges extra for ______.
  117. Putting lipstick on a pig
  118. A hovercraft full of eels
    See .
  119. Sexy pole-dancing
  120. The hokey cokey
    See .
  121. Hitler's moustache
  122. Sled dog racing
  123. (B) A federal grand jury has indicted ______ of ______. (Pick two)
  124. Selfie sticks
  125. Laser-lighting police helicopters
  126. Spackling paste
  127. (B) Pardon me for ______.
  128. Justin Bieber
  129. Cis-het Tumblr scum
  130. (B) ______! It's a wretched hive of ______. (Pick two)
  131. Vegan cat food
  132. FurAffinity
  133. Scum and villainy
  134. Used car salesmen
  135. Ed Wood
    Filmmaker, see .
  136. Scooby snacks
  137. Gigantic waitresses from towns named after amphibians
    Mentioned in Sam & Max.
  138. The biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
    Weird Al song.
  139. A trip down memory lane
  140. Montezuma's Revenge
    A.k.a. "the shits".
  141. Vindaloo sauce
  142. Projectile vomiting
  143. Coach class airline food
  144. Bra burning
  145. A literal roll in the hay
  146. Prenuptial boinking
  147. Cornholin' they's cousins
  148. Rugrats
  149. Shag burn
  150. (B) I support introducing the death penalty for ______.
  151. Texting in cinemas
  152. The Mile High Club
  153. An 800 pound gorilla
  154. Unspeakable debauchery
  155. Hasidic Haredim
    See and .
  156. Hershey's chocolate
    If it deserves to be called that.
  157. (B) For the first time ever, science has detected ______!
  158. Miniature Shriner cars
    See e.g. .
  159. Fezzes
  160. (B) May I present the TIME Person of the Century: ______!
  161. The Puppy Bowl
    See .
  162. Ultraviolence
    From "A Clockwork Orange"; also one of the difficulty levels in DOOM.
  163. Back alley cockfights
  164. (B) There's ______ in them thar hills!
  165. The Weight Watchers
  166. Old Spice™
  167. Rainbow toe socks
  168. Cheetah cum
    An old gag from Segfault.
  169. Apple bottoms
    Alternatively, "Bubble butts".
  170. Sharting
    Shitting while farting.
  171. A huge jewfro
    Or "afro". See .
  172. Eating Nutella™ with a spoon
    Taken from Knorkator, "BÖSE".
  173. (B) Cook a delicious gumbo! (Draw 2, pick 3)
  174. Gropecunt Lane
    See .
  175. Suicide by cop
    See .
  176. Charlie Hebdo
    The French magazine.
  177. Barebacking
  178. The hanky code
  179. Glorious Quadrophonic Sound
    See .
  180. Puff the Magic Dragon
  181. Hookah-smoking
  182. Eunuch harem guards
  183. Philly cheesesteaks
  184. The NYC subway
  185. An open-faced club sandwich
  186. (B) What did George W. Bush REALLY choke on?
  187. Breaking into the dog pound
  188. Luxuriant flowing locks
    Vaguely based on both Improbable's "Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists" and an old Beaver & Steve strip.
  189. Hair Club for Men
    See .
  190. Smoking a big fat stogie
  191. The Immelmann maneuver
    See .
  192. Supersonic spy planes
  193. The collected works of Robert A. Heinlein
    Scifi author.
  194. German board games
    See .
  195. Phrenology
  196. The mother of all battles
  197. Excess testosterone
  198. (B) You can always rely on ______.
    Alternatively, "You can always rely on ______ for ______. (Pick two)"
  199. Sheer wingnuttery
    Or "sheer moonbattery", or both.
  200. The restless specter of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
    See .
    Originally just "Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia", but he died a day or two after I included this card.
  201. Unitarian Universalism
    See .
  202. Liberty and justice for all
  203. (B) ______ is just another word for nothing left to lose.
    Janis Joplin, "Me and Bobby McGee"; original quote: "Freedom".
  204. Compulsory sex education
  205. Minty freshness
  206. Copious amounts of vodka
  207. Sucking the pus out of used bandaid
    Or maybe "bandages".
  208. The voices in my head
  209. The Pillsbury Doughboy
  210. (B) ______ waits for noone.
  211. (B) Sex, drugs and ______.
  212. Farting "The Star-Spangled Banner"
  213. Old money
  214. The secret Coca-Cola™ formula
  215. Juggalos
    I.e. fans of "Insane Clown Posse"; see .
  216. Steely pecs
  217. (B) What did I bring home from Europe?
  218. Rodents of unusual size
  219. The Internet Oracle
    See .
  220. The Committee for Un-American Activities
    Actually called the "House Un-American Activities Committee".
  221. (B) Why can't we have nice things?
  222. (B) Everything goes better with ______.
  223. Bench-pressing 400 lbs
  224. Back-combed deathhawks
    See e.g. .
  225. (B) What can the newest iPhone model help you with?
  226. The prickly dick of a tiger
  227. A presidential pardon
  228. Female Russian weightlifters
    MAD had a joke about them once.
  229. Drinking directly from the firehose
  230. Ballet boots
  231. Steven Hawking's computer voice
  232. Obsessive flossing
  233. Mating banana slugs
  234. Prussian blue
    See .
  235. (B) We have but one thing to fear, and that's ______.
    Originally as "The only thing we have to fear is... fear itself."
  236. The United States Army Corps of Engineers
  237. Gargling beeswax
  238. Microwaving hamsters
  239. PETA protests
  240. (B) Won't somebody think of ______!
  241. Duelling banjos
  242. Late night TV shopping
  243. Soap-on-a-rope
  244. Gay eagle scouts
  245. (B) God bless ______!
  246. Open-crotch pantyhose
  247. (B) As of next year, there will finally be a Nobel Prize for ______.
  248. (B) Watch out! I have a black belt in ______!
  249. German oompah music
  250. (B) What has become too big to fail?
    See .
  251. (B) ______. Wink-wink nudge-nudge say no more!
  252. (B) What has it got in its pocketses???
  253. (B) Oh ______, you're blowing me away with your ______! (Pick two)
  254. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
  255. Chainmail bikinis
  256. The lotophagi
    See .
  257. (B) Come for dinner, stay for ______.
  258. Tinky-Winky's handbag
  259. The Last Dragonborn
    From Skyrim, obviously.
  260. The very model of a modern major general
    Gilbert and Sullivan
  261. (B) 'cause you are ______ under my wings.
    Bette Midler, "...the wind".
  262. (B) ______ levels are off the scale tonight.
  263. Vestal Virgins
    See .
  264. Human zoos
    See .
  265. The Toxic Avenger
  266. Dr. Sbaitso singing "Lydia the Tattooed Lady"
    See and .
  267. Circle-jerking altar boys
  268. Long-distance relationships
  269. A crassly one-sided work/life balance
  270. (B) Why do Freemasons like the Pope so much?
  271. Cultural marxism
  272. America's Funniest Home Videos
  273. 30-minute orgasms
  274. A vulva clamped shut with tiny clothespins
  275. A calf born with two heads
  276. The Ace of Spades
  277. Overweight Elvis impersonators
    Maybe "sweaty" or "balding" or so, too.
  278. (B) We're Ah-Nee-May-Nee-Acs, there's ______ in our slacks!
    From the Animaniacs theme song.
  279. The tortured, flaccid prose of "50 Shades of Grey"
    Porsupah quote.
  280. (B) Genius is 1% inspiration, and 99% ______.
    Thomas Alva Edison, "...perspiration".
  281. Lorena Bobbitt wielding a bloody knife
    See .
  282. (B) George Lucas's next movie will be "Indiana Jones and the Temple of ______".
  283. Honey Boo Boo
    See .
  284. Sleeping in until noon
  285. The 3/5ths compromise
    See .
  286. (B) Ain't nothin' wrong with bein' a little ______!
  287. Razor-sharp strips of charred skink bacon
    Also mentioned in Sam & Max.
  288. Fournier gangrene
    See .
  289. Vaginal tightening
  290. The burned-out husks of life's dreams
  291. Guerilla Tupperware® parties
  292. Black budget skunkworks projects
    See .
  293. Poona the Fuckdog
    Theatrical play; see .
  294. (B) Fathers, lock up your daughters, it's ______!
  295. (B) What's making the streets unsafe at night?
  296. Wining and wenching
    Irregular Webcomic!.
  297. Illinois nazis
    See,_Illinois#NSPA_controversy .
  298. Raunchy Burma-Shave™ jingles
  299. Blue boogers
    Someone in the fursuit community mentioned having these after working with fur dye; Lance Ikegawa had some stern words on the health hazards posed by some of these dyes as a result.
  300. Men in tights
    From Mel Brooks' "Robin Hood".
  301. Wet violence
    E.g. Quentin Tarantino's.
  302. Middle-aged mall men
    A woman calls Larry "my middle-aged mall man" near the beginning of LSL3.
  303. Stupendous amounts of pink fluff
  304. Glitter-bombing
    See .
  305. A cream pie to the face
  306. Lighting their own farts on fire
  307. Cockvore
  308. Running down the stairs in high heels while putting on a fur coat
    Canis mentioned that somebody remarked the British queen was the only person they knew who was able to do this.
  309. Slack-jawed yokels
  310. Explosive diarrhea
  311. Lesbian horses
    Aka MLP. :P
  312. (B) ______ has been caught faking evidence of ______!
  313. (B) What's all this, then?
  314. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
  315. (B) All's fair in ______ and war.
  316. (B) I feel the need, the need for ______.
  317. Trophy wives
  318. Menopausal Avon ladies
  319. Wearing mantyhose
    I.e. tights for men; see .
  320. Contergan
    A drug that caused thousands of birth defects in 1950s Germany, see .
  321. Lawnchair Larry
  322. P-zombies
  323. Moonlighting as Go-Go dancers
  324. Tattooing garish wrestling masks on toddlers' faces
    In one Sam & Max comic, Max suggests the pair do this to unconscious criminals.

If you want to use these cards, share 'em, print 'em or anything, go right ahead, BTW; they're made available under the CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0 license (basically the same as the game itself, except the game uses the older 2.0 version of the license).


EDIT, 2016-10-05:

  1. The world's 2nd smallest violin
Tags: card games, cards against humanity
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