I'm prone to the occasional burst of random creativity, and I've found that the best (only, really) thing I can do is just go with the flow and let it out.
See, we've been playing Cards Against Humanity with fair regularity in the last two months (online, using a version that I think doesn't actually include all the cards, but that's a different story), and shortly after we started, one morning, I started getting ideas for new cards. So I wrote them down.
After about an hour, I had almost 100. At the end of the day I had more than 250, and over the next couple of days this figure rose to over 300. I've been sitting on the list since (as it were), and now I'm finally getting off of my lazy butt and sharing it.
I should note that several of these may in fact be inspired by cards in the game that were still present in my subconscious mind at the time I wrote these down; I've not tried to identify those and weed them out. Other than that, I think the list's self-explanatory; cards marked with "(B)" are black cards, others are white cards. (And I do apologize for not formatting links; this is how I wrote the list down, and editing it would be too much work.)
Oh, one more note: this hasn't been play-tested in ANY way whatsoever, since the version we use doesn't allow you to add new/custom cards. (Fiddlesticks.)
But now, without further ado, Schnee's CaH expansion (so far):
- Troy Powell, checking in
See http://spamusement.com/index.php/comics/view/180 .
- Rolling in Jell-O™ while yodeling
See http://dilbert.com/strip/1990-11-27 .
- The tiny arms of a T-Rex
- Masturbating with a vaccuum cleaner
See https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penisverletzungen_bei_Masturbation_mit_Staubsaugern .
- Sexy female fursuits
(B) How come I can't sleep at night?— this is in the actual game, nevermind. ^^
See http://oglaf.com/seduction/ .
- The CFz art show
- Erotic Barbie™ doll outfits
- Intensive pig farming
- Serial polygamy
- Clubbing seals
"I ♣ Seals"
- Rumor has it Peter Jackson's next film will be about ______.
- Blair's DEATH™ sauce
- (B) Bet you can't tell the difference between ______ and ______. (Pick two)
- Surreptitiously distilled moonshine
- Antimatter hydrogen
- Ol' Blue Eyes
A.k.a. Frank Sinatra
- (B) ______ is better known as ______. (Pick two)
- (B) Two ______, one ______. (Pick two)
- (B) Who's your daddy?
- (B) Breaking news! ______ found in ______! (Pick two)
- (B) Sorry Mario, but our princess is ______.
Actual quote: "Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle."
- Guzzling engine oil
- Warwick Davis
British dwarf actor, lead role in "Leprechaun"
- Fucking a dead pig
Cf. David Cameron's pig-gate
- Pinkamena Diane Pie
- Wearing sex dolls as suits
- REGULAR! ORDINARY! SWEDISH! MEALTIME!
- (B) Do not pass Go. Do not collect ______.
- A boot to the head
See http://beagleweb.com/fun-lastwillandtemperment.html .
- Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney
- Advanced mathematics
- (B) Help! I'm stuck in ______!
- Donald Trump's hairdo
- (B) ______, I choose you!
- Having your nuts bitten off by Laplander
From "The Naked Gun"; see http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095705/quotes
- Dutch ovens
- Excess earwax buildup
- Giant killbots
- Hamming it up
- (B) It's dangerous to go alone! Take ______!
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blinkenlights .
- Hacker culture
- The Republican National Convention
- The front row of a Kenny Chesney concert
What's got one hundred feet and two teeth?
- The Iowa Butter Cow
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iowa_State_Fair#The_Butter_Cow .
I.e. the southern USA. Could be rendered as "The Deep South".
- (B) Hark! It's the call of ______.
- (B) Whoso pulleth ______ out of ______, is rightwise ______. (Draw two, pick three)
Actual quote: "Whoso pulleth out this sword of this stone and anvil, is rightwise King born of all England".
- (B) I can't believe it's ______!
Actual quote: "I can't believe it's not butter!"
- Hyena butter
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyena_butter .
- Skunk oil
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skunk_oil .
- Sexual slavery
- (B) I was working in the lab late one night, when my eyes beheld an eerie sight:
From Bobby Pickett, "The Monster Mash".
- Obscure xkcd references
- Adult Skyrim mods
- White Castle sliders
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_Castle_%28restaurant%29 .
- A shotglass full of snot
- (B) From hell's heart, I stab at ______.
Actual quote: "To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee." - Herman Melville, "Moby Dick".
- Roasting cats on a hot tin roof
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_on_a_Hot_Tin_Roof .
- (B) G'day, mate! Grab ______, and I'll throw ______ on ______! (Draw two, pick three)
"G'day mate! Grab a coldie, and I'll throw another prawn on the barbie!"
- (B) There's something I want to share with you!
MandoPony, "Picture Perfect Pony"; see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAWLQjNEa8s .
- Dried bull pizzles
- A rectal prolapse
- Pasteurella pestis
Nowadays known as Yersinia pestis; might use that instead.
- Toxic shock syndrome
- Premature burial
- (B) I said, do you speak-a my language? And he just smiled and gave me ______.
Men At Work, "Down Under"; actual quote: "...a vegemite sandwich".
- (B) Friends! Romans! Countrymen! Lend me your ______.
Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"; actual quote: "...your ears". See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friends,_Romans,_countrymen,_lend_me_your_ears .
- (B) ______ doesn't advertise.
The Simpsons, "Disco Stu doesn't advertise".
- Baron von Chickenpants
- (B) Oh! Super ______!
"Oh! Super Toaster!"
- (B) You killed ______! You bastards!
- Mother Theresa
- Young and hot Margaret Thatcher
- (B) If you need me, I'll be over here, ______.
- (B) Oh ______, will you be my ______? (Pick two)
- Banging seven-gram rocks
- Ostrich politics
- L. Ron Hubbard's fever dreams
- Gunboat diplomacy
- Stuffing chopsticks up the urethra
- (B) Congratulations! You may already have won ______!
- A Las Vegas hooker convention
- (B) No, Mr Bond. I expect ______.
"...you to die".
- (B) How did Vladimir Putin secure his reelection?
- (B) ______ is dead, long live ______! (Pick two)
- Little white pills
- LSD blotters
Alternatively, "LSD puddles".
- The Honorable Order of Kentucky Colonels
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kentucky_colonel .
- Acquittal by an all-white jury
- (B) No TRUE ______ would stoop to ______! (Pick two)
- Smørrebrød, smørrebrød, røm pøm pøm pøm!
Swedish Chef (in the German Muppets dub).
- (B) Why did the Grinch steal christmas?
- Blood diamonds
- (B) Can't catch me, I'm ______!
"...the Muffin Man".
- Dropping the bass
- (B) I'm all about ______.
- Baron Samedi
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baron_Samedi .
See http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Rolfing .
- Turkish oil wrestling
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oil_wrestling .
- Don't Ask, Don't Tell
- (B) This is the age of ______.
- (B) My gaydar is tingling, it must be ______!
- Schlitz malt liquor
- Oversized angora sweaters
- (B) What scratches my itch?
- Hitler's brain in a jar
- Reverse racism
- Cow tipping
- (B) To ______, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!
"...alcohol"; see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homer_vs._the_Eighteenth_Amendment .
- Ear candling
Or maybe "ear candles".
- (B) Starbuck's now charges extra for ______.
- Putting lipstick on a pig
- A hovercraft full of eels
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dirty_Hungarian_Phrasebook .
- Sexy pole-dancing
- The hokey cokey
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hokey_cokey .
- Hitler's moustache
- Sled dog racing
- (B) A federal grand jury has indicted ______ of ______. (Pick two)
- Selfie sticks
- Laser-lighting police helicopters
- Spackling paste
- (B) Pardon me for ______.
- Justin Bieber
- Cis-het Tumblr scum
- (B) ______! It's a wretched hive of ______. (Pick two)
- Vegan cat food
- Scum and villainy
- Used car salesmen
- Ed Wood
Filmmaker, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Wood .
- Scooby snacks
- Gigantic waitresses from towns named after amphibians
Mentioned in Sam & Max.
- The biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Weird Al song.
- A trip down memory lane
- Montezuma's Revenge
A.k.a. "the shits".
- Vindaloo sauce
- Projectile vomiting
- Coach class airline food
- Bra burning
- A literal roll in the hay
- Prenuptial boinking
- Cornholin' they's cousins
- Shag burn
- (B) I support introducing the death penalty for ______.
- Texting in cinemas
- The Mile High Club
- An 800 pound gorilla
- Unspeakable debauchery
- Hasidic Haredim
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hasidic_Judaism and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haredi_Judaism .
- Hershey's chocolate
If it deserves to be called that.
- (B) For the first time ever, science has detected ______!
- Miniature Shriner cars
See e.g. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Shriner_syrian_corvette.jpg .
- (B) May I present the TIME Person of the Century: ______!
- The Puppy Bowl
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puppy_Bowl .
From "A Clockwork Orange"; also one of the difficulty levels in DOOM.
- Back alley cockfights
- (B) There's ______ in them thar hills!
- The Weight Watchers
- Old Spice™
- Rainbow toe socks
- Cheetah cum
An old gag from Segfault.
- Apple bottoms
Alternatively, "Bubble butts".
Shitting while farting.
- A huge jewfro
Or "afro". See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afro#Similar_styles_internationally .
- Eating Nutella™ with a spoon
Taken from Knorkator, "BÖSE".
- (B) Cook a delicious gumbo! (Draw 2, pick 3)
- Gropecunt Lane
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gropecunt_Lane .
- Suicide by cop
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_by_cop .
- Charlie Hebdo
The French magazine.
- The hanky code
- Glorious Quadrophonic Sound
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quadraphonic_sound .
- Puff the Magic Dragon
- Eunuch harem guards
- Philly cheesesteaks
- The NYC subway
- An open-faced club sandwich
- (B) What did George W. Bush REALLY choke on?
- Breaking into the dog pound
- Luxuriant flowing locks
Vaguely based on both Improbable's "Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists" and an old Beaver & Steve strip.
- Hair Club for Men
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_Club .
- Smoking a big fat stogie
- The Immelmann maneuver
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immelmann_turn .
- Supersonic spy planes
- The collected works of Robert A. Heinlein
- German board games
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/German_board_game .
- The mother of all battles
- Excess testosterone
- (B) You can always rely on ______.
Alternatively, "You can always rely on ______ for ______. (Pick two)"
- Sheer wingnuttery
Or "sheer moonbattery", or both.
- The restless specter of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antonin_Scalia .
Originally just "Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia", but he died a day or two after I included this card.
- Unitarian Universalism
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism .
- Liberty and justice for all
- (B) ______ is just another word for nothing left to lose.
Janis Joplin, "Me and Bobby McGee"; original quote: "Freedom".
- Compulsory sex education
- Minty freshness
- Copious amounts of vodka
- Sucking the pus out of used bandaid
Or maybe "bandages".
- The voices in my head
- The Pillsbury Doughboy
- (B) ______ waits for noone.
- (B) Sex, drugs and ______.
- Farting "The Star-Spangled Banner"
- Old money
- The secret Coca-Cola™ formula
I.e. fans of "Insane Clown Posse"; see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juggalo .
- Steely pecs
- (B) What did I bring home from Europe?
- Rodents of unusual size
- The Internet Oracle
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_Oracle .
- The Committee for Un-American Activities
Actually called the "House Un-American Activities Committee".
- (B) Why can't we have nice things?
- (B) Everything goes better with ______.
- Bench-pressing 400 lbs
- Back-combed deathhawks
See e.g. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Wave_Gotik_Treffen_2007.jpg .
- (B) What can the newest iPhone model help you with?
- The prickly dick of a tiger
- A presidential pardon
- Female Russian weightlifters
MAD had a joke about them once.
- Drinking directly from the firehose
- Ballet boots
- Steven Hawking's computer voice
- Obsessive flossing
- Mating banana slugs
- Prussian blue
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prussian_blue .
- (B) We have but one thing to fear, and that's ______.
Originally as "The only thing we have to fear is... fear itself."
- The United States Army Corps of Engineers
- Gargling beeswax
- Microwaving hamsters
- PETA protests
- (B) Won't somebody think of ______!
- Duelling banjos
- Late night TV shopping
- Gay eagle scouts
- (B) God bless ______!
- Open-crotch pantyhose
- (B) As of next year, there will finally be a Nobel Prize for ______.
- (B) Watch out! I have a black belt in ______!
- German oompah music
- (B) What has become too big to fail?
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Too_big_to_fail .
- (B) ______. Wink-wink nudge-nudge say no more!
- (B) What has it got in its pocketses???
- (B) Oh ______, you're blowing me away with your ______! (Pick two)
- The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
- Chainmail bikinis
- The lotophagi
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lotus-eaters .
- (B) Come for dinner, stay for ______.
- Tinky-Winky's handbag
- The Last Dragonborn
From Skyrim, obviously.
- The very model of a modern major general
Gilbert and Sullivan
- (B) 'cause you are ______ under my wings.
Bette Midler, "...the wind".
- (B) ______ levels are off the scale tonight.
- Vestal Virgins
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vestal_Virgin .
- Human zoos
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_zoo .
- The Toxic Avenger
- Dr. Sbaitso singing "Lydia the Tattooed Lady"
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Sbaitso and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lydia_the_Tattooed_Lady .
- Circle-jerking altar boys
- Long-distance relationships
- A crassly one-sided work/life balance
- (B) Why do Freemasons like the Pope so much?
- Cultural marxism
- America's Funniest Home Videos
- 30-minute orgasms
- A vulva clamped shut with tiny clothespins
- A calf born with two heads
- The Ace of Spades
- Overweight Elvis impersonators
Maybe "sweaty" or "balding" or so, too.
- (B) We're Ah-Nee-May-Nee-Acs, there's ______ in our slacks!
From the Animaniacs theme song.
- The tortured, flaccid prose of "50 Shades of Grey"
- (B) Genius is 1% inspiration, and 99% ______.
Thomas Alva Edison, "...perspiration".
- Lorena Bobbitt wielding a bloody knife
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_and_Lorena_Bobbitt .
- (B) George Lucas's next movie will be "Indiana Jones and the Temple of ______".
- Honey Boo Boo
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Here_Comes_Honey_Boo_Boo .
- Sleeping in until noon
- The 3/5ths compromise
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-Fifths_Compromise .
- (B) Ain't nothin' wrong with bein' a little ______!
- Razor-sharp strips of charred skink bacon
Also mentioned in Sam & Max.
- Fournier gangrene
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fournier_gangrene .
- Vaginal tightening
- The burned-out husks of life's dreams
- Guerilla Tupperware® parties
- Black budget skunkworks projects
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skunkworks_project .
- Poona the Fuckdog
Theatrical play; see http://jeffgoode.com/pgpoo.htm .
- (B) Fathers, lock up your daughters, it's ______!
- (B) What's making the streets unsafe at night?
- Wining and wenching
- Illinois nazis
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skokie,_Illinois#NSPA_controversy .
- Raunchy Burma-Shave™ jingles
- Blue boogers
Someone in the fursuit community mentioned having these after working with fur dye; Lance Ikegawa had some stern words on the health hazards posed by some of these dyes as a result.
- Men in tights
From Mel Brooks' "Robin Hood".
- Wet violence
E.g. Quentin Tarantino's.
- Middle-aged mall men
A woman calls Larry "my middle-aged mall man" near the beginning of LSL3.
- Stupendous amounts of pink fluff
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glitter_bombing .
- A cream pie to the face
- Lighting their own farts on fire
- Running down the stairs in high heels while putting on a fur coat
Canis mentioned that somebody remarked the British queen was the only person they knew who was able to do this.
- Slack-jawed yokels
- Explosive diarrhea
- Lesbian horses
Aka MLP. :P
- (B) ______ has been caught faking evidence of ______!
- (B) What's all this, then?
- The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
- (B) All's fair in ______ and war.
- (B) I feel the need, the need for ______.
- Trophy wives
- Menopausal Avon ladies
- Wearing mantyhose
I.e. tights for men; see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantyhose_for_men .
A drug that caused thousands of birth defects in 1950s Germany, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thalidomide .
- Lawnchair Larry
- Moonlighting as Go-Go dancers
- Tattooing garish wrestling masks on toddlers' faces
In one Sam & Max comic, Max suggests the pair do this to unconscious criminals.
If you want to use these cards, share 'em, print 'em or anything, go right ahead, BTW; they're made available under the CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0 license (basically the same as the game itself, except the game uses the older 2.0 version of the license).
- The world's 2nd smallest violin