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Veggis

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Dec. 2nd, 2018 | 04:21 pm

And then, it occurred to her. Edible dynamite.

— cleverpun, The Elements of Excess

I recently learned that vegetarian haggis is apparently a thing. If that sounds like a contradiction in terms, I'd readily agree it is, but it does exist, and you can even order it online, canned.

However, none of the efforts I've seen seem to go far enough in actually distinguishing themselves and rising above the riff and raff, so in the best Tom Lehrer tradition of going too far, my mind produced this mental image of a company mascot called Veggis (promoting a product of the same name): a vegetarian haggis with bushy red eyebrows and beard (think Yosemite Sam), wearing a white, rhinestone-studded disco suit that's an obvious parody of Elvis, and performs parody versions of his songs for advertising purposes:

On a cold and gray highland morning
I sat in my kitchen with a hot steaming bowl
Full of Veggis™.
(Full of Veggiiiiis™!)

Neeps and tatties, too.
(With his Vegiiiiis™!)

'cause if there's one thing I love to eat,
It's Veggis™ every day, I don't need any meat
In my Veggis™.
(In his Veggiiiiis™!)

Remember folks, if this ever graces your TV screen, you saw it here first! (And whoever copied it is a bloody thief.)

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Comments {5}

ungulata

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from: ungulata
date: Dec. 2nd, 2018 07:09 pm (UTC)
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If that horror ever transpires, I will hit at back button so fast and hard that my browser will go back ten pages!

Anyway, Any True Scot knows vegetarian haggis is what is _inside_ the sheep's stomach. Ach!

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Schnee

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from: schnee
date: Dec. 2nd, 2018 07:50 pm (UTC)
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Anyway, Any True Scot knows vegetarian haggis is what is _inside_ the sheep's stomach. Ach!

Indeed. :)

As I like to say, I'm a vegetarian once removed — I only eat vegetarian beings. :P

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moonhare

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from: mondhasen
date: Dec. 3rd, 2018 11:50 am (UTC)
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As I like to say, I'm a vegetarian once removed — I only eat vegetarian beings. :P


Nice!

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Schnee

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from: schnee
date: Dec. 3rd, 2018 07:04 pm (UTC)
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Not always entirely true in practice, mind — I've eaten e.g. crocodile before, and I doubt that that particular specimen had lived on a vegetarian diet before. Interesting experience, though; it's kinda like chicken, but with a gamey (gamy?) taste.

That said it's generally true, isn't it? Perhaps it's just because herbivores are much more numerous than carnivores (in terms of the actual numbers of animals you'll encounter in a given region), but we do seem to prefer herbivore meat.

(There is also – well, was also, I suppose, in these modern days – a Magic: The Gathering card whose flavor text remarked on this, Gray Ogre: "The Ogre philosopher Gnerdel believed the purpose of life was to live as high on the food chain as possible. She refused to eat vegetarians, preferring to live entirely on creatures that preyed on sentient beings." That must've been tough at times!)

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moonhare

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from: mondhasen
date: Dec. 3rd, 2018 11:45 am (UTC)
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Agreed!

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