Schnee (schnee) wrote,


And then, it occurred to her. Edible dynamite.

— cleverpun, The Elements of Excess

I recently learned that vegetarian haggis is apparently a thing. If that sounds like a contradiction in terms, I'd readily agree it is, but it does exist, and you can even order it online, canned.

However, none of the efforts I've seen seem to go far enough in actually distinguishing themselves and rising above the riff and raff, so in the best Tom Lehrer tradition of going too far, my mind produced this mental image of a company mascot called Veggis (promoting a product of the same name): a vegetarian haggis with bushy red eyebrows and beard (think Yosemite Sam), wearing a white, rhinestone-studded disco suit that's an obvious parody of Elvis, and performs parody versions of his songs for advertising purposes:

On a cold and gray highland morning
I sat in my kitchen with a hot steaming bowl
Full of Veggis™.
(Full of Veggiiiiis™!)

Neeps and tatties, too.
(With his Vegiiiiis™!)

'cause if there's one thing I love to eat,
It's Veggis™ every day, I don't need any meat
In my Veggis™.
(In his Veggiiiiis™!)

Remember folks, if this ever graces your TV screen, you saw it here first! (And whoever copied it is a bloody thief.)

Tags: food, funny stuff, haggis, veggis

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